


Les Amis des M

by FLWhite, zetaophiuchi (ryuujitsu)



Category: Matthias & Maxime (2019)
Genre: Bande d'Idiots, Childhood Friends, Drunk Texting, Friendship, Friendship is Magic, Group chat, Je Me Souviens, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26414644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FLWhite/pseuds/FLWhite, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryuujitsu/pseuds/zetaophiuchi
Summary: Marc_Antony: They like each other. It’s obvious.Marc_Antony: Come on guys.Marc_Antony: Nobody knows them better. We can do this. Are you in?The world is a hard place but friendship is magic. (Matthias and Maxime, retold through the groupchats of the gang.)
Relationships: Matthias Ruiz/Maxime Leduc
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	Les Amis des M

**Author's Note:**

> Our co-written stories are always very silly. I personally (being an Old Person) had flashbacks to the "muse" bullshit of FanFiction.Net circa 2001. Many laughs were had. 
> 
> We hope you enjoy.

**Chat Room: xXx_Les_Amis_Des_M_xXx  
** _4 people here_

BigBrassBand1990: who the fuck r u this is a private chat

Marc_Antony: Are you serious? Brass, we are READING _Anthony and Cleopatra_ in CLASS.

BigBrassBand1990: u changed ur username?

Marc_Antony: It’s not a good idea to use your real name on the internet. Maman said so.

Frankiesteins_Monster: Ohhhhhh someone got in troubleeeee  
Frankiesteins_Monster: what were u doing rivette

Marc_Antony: Nothing!

Frankiesteins_Monster: Hot single guys in our area XXX

Marc_Antony: You’re going to get us banned.

~SheikhOmarShariff~: Brass doesn’t even use his real name IN REAL LIFE. Get on his level, Rivette.

Marc_Antony: Shut up. There are important things to discuss.  
Marc_Antony: So. Situation: Matt and Max.

Frankiesteins_Monster: tried messaging Max just now  
Frankiesteins_Monster: nothin, ignored  
Frankiesteins_Monster: ditto Matt, that dick

BigBrassBand1990: wait i missed this, why is matt the dick

Frankiesteins_Monster: oh right you were in the john

~SheikhOmarShariff~: As usual.

Marc_Antony: It’s important to eat a healthy diet.

BigBrassBand1990: go screw youreslf rivette you cant live on rabbit food in QUEBEC. Theres winter here. real winter. GRAVY winter

~SheikhOmarShariff~: Anyway Brass, Matt was up and he took the dare  
~SheikhOmarShariff~: Monsieur Rivette here dared him to kiss Max

BigBrassBand1990: ugh shariff i was there for that part

~SheikhOmarShariff~: You were there but were you _there_ , bro? Be honest. That coliss bong was like a pipe bomb going off in my face

Frankiesteins_Monster: yeah it was pretty intense Brass 

BigBrassBand1990: shut up i didnt leave until they finished kissing

~SheikhOmarShariff~: You left after the FIRST kiss   
~SheikhOmarShariff~: Someone yelled to use tongue  
~SheikhOmarShariff~: Said a peck didn’t count

BigBrassBand1990: who

~SheikhOmarShariff~: I don’t know. Kinda sounded like Benoit.

BigBrassBand1990: that asshole  
BigBrassBand1990: I mean hes not wrong but hwatever  
BigBrassBand1990: ok then what? when i came out everything was fine

Frankiesteins_Monster: it WAS fine  
Frankiesteins_Monster: at least we thought it was  
Frankiesteins_Monster: but today in calc Matt didnt say a fucking word to Max   
Frankiesteins_Monster: or me  
Frankiesteins_Monster: He sat down and stared at the board for 45 minutes  
Frankiesteins_Monster: like a psycho  
Frankiesteins_Monster: when class was over he RAN out

Marc_Antony: Guys, I feel so bad. I feel terrible.  
Marc_Antony: Max’s face.

~SheikhOmarShariff~: Max tried to talk to him in the hallway and he pushed him away, like pretty hard, and like freakin’ _sprinted_ off

Marc_Antony: Yeah...it was bad.  
Marc_Antony: I think he went home.  
Marc_Antony: I didn’t see him in biology.

BigBrassBand1990: dang  
BigBrassBand1990: ok yeah max was kind of upset when we were changing for stupid volleyball  
BigBrassBand1990: he told me his stomach hurt  
BigBrassBand1990: i could kinda tell he was lying but like  
BigBrassBand1990: tabarnak guys  
BigBrassBand1990: what are we gonna do

Marc_Antony: Well, that’s why I convened us.  
Marc_Antony: Les amis des M.  
Marc_Antony: We have to fix this.

BigBrassBand1990: fix ur mistake u mean

Marc_Antony: They like each other. It’s obvious.

~SheikhOmarShariff~: Yeah maybe but  
~SheikhOmarShariff~: look what happened when you pushed them

Frankiesteins_Monster: ugh tabarnak

Marc_Antony: Come on guys.  
Marc_Antony: Nobody knows them better. We can do this. Are you in?

**Les Amis des M ✌️🤡👻🤓**

[23:59] Brass: AUSTRALIA?????  
[00:00] Brass: AUSTRALIA are you fucking kidding me

[00:01] Frank: jesus christ brass make sure you’re in the right chat

[00:02] Brass: frank this is a disaster  
[00:02] Brass: is Rivette awake  
[00:02] Brass: im calling him

[00:10] Rivette: Brass. You son of a bitch  
[00:10] Rivette: I have a PERFORMANCE tomorrow.

[00:11] Brass: this is an emergency  
[00:11] Brass: frank tell him

[00:12] Frank: Max just told me he’s moving to Australia

_Rivette is typing…_

[00:12] Frank: in Sept  
[00:13] Frank: on a working visa

_Rivette is typing…_

[00:14] Frank: it’s all settled  
[00:14] Frank: AND MATT IS HELPING HIM

[00:15] Rivette: W  
[00:15] Rivette: H  
[00:15] Rivette: A  
[00:15] Rivette: T  
[00:16] Rivette: Wait. Is Matt going with him?   
[00:16] Rivette: Are they running off together? For how long?   
[00:16] Rivette: Details, Frank, I need details.

[00:17] Shariff: There I was, seated at the bar, about to get the number of a very nice girl  
[00:17] Shariff: When none other than Marc-Antoine Rivette started blowing up my phone  
[00:18] Shariff: and of course it’s about M&M   
[00:19] Shariff: when have any of the rest of us had a middle of the night emergency

[00:20] Frank: they’re not going together  
[00:20] Frank: he said matts father is going to write him a letter of recommendation  
[00:20] Frank: 2 yrs  
[00:21] Frank: _[forwarded message] i just think its time  
_[00:21] Frank: _[forwarded message] im turning 30 and i need a fresh start  
_[00:22] Frank: I asked him how Matt took it  
[00:23] Frank _[forwarded message]_ _he took it ok, he was a little surprised but he was chill, why?_

[00:24] Shariff: Uh oh

[00:25] Brass: RIVETTE WE HAVE TO STOP HIM

[00:26] Rivette: I entirely agree.  
[00:26] Rivette: Time to stage an intervention.  
[00:27] Rivette: When they come up to the cottage in a couple weeks, perfect timing. We can strategize.

[00:28] Shariff: 😔 Damn workshop   
[00:28] Shariff: OK well I’m counting on you guys 

**Les Amis des M ✌️** 🤯🙃🤓

[09:11] Brass: what the fuckin hell was that

[09:12] Shariff: Up early man  
[09:12] Shariff: What happened?

[09:12] Brass: bennnnnnn

[09:12] Shariff: I knew it. Why does shit always get fucked when I’m not there

[09:12] Rivette: Not...sure. Matt got lost swimming? In the lake? Well, he’s back now, but he got lost earlier.

[09:13] Brass: also erika made a porno 

[09:13] Rivette: Come on, not a _porno_. 

[09:14] Shariff: Wait what does that have to do with the swimming?

[09:14] Frank: Erika made Matt & Max kiss  
[09:14] Frank: for her movie thing

[09:14] Brass: her PORNO

[09:14] Frank: then we all wake up to Matt trying to drown himself  
[09:15] Frank: Rivette dude   
[09:15] Frank: did you watch it???

[09:16] Rivette: No, Erika would not let me.  
[09:16] Rivette: Not until “the work is complete as it is meant to be seen.”

[09:17] Frank: what does that mean  
[09:17] Frank: Rivette, steal it

[09:18] Shariff: KISS? Like a peck? Like before?

[09:19] Brass: no like  
[09:19] Brass: they were shooting for like 30 fuckn min

[09:20] Shariff: maybe we should add Erika to the group

[09:20] Brass: what hte FUCK shariff

[09:21] Frank: Bro. you’re tripping

[09:22] Rivette: I don’t think that’s a good idea. Actually, I think that is a TERRIBLE idea, the worst idea you have ever had in your LIFE.

[09:23] Shariff: Why not? In one goddamn night she accomplished more than Les Amis des M have accomplished in years.

[09:24] Rivette: Bull _shit_ , it’s all thanks to me and the hints I’ve been dropping. It’s basic psychology.

[09:25] Shariff: Basic psychology my ass  
[09:25] Shariff: BASIC PSYCHOLOGY  
[09:25] Shariff: Fuck psychology, what we need to do is lock them in a closet

[09:26] Rivette: Your _profoundly ironic_ suggestion is duly noted. Moving on...

[09:50] Shariff: Rivette, where the shit did you go  
[09:53] Shariff: Yo people, what is going on?

[10:16] Rivette: Matthias has behaved badly.  
[10:16] Rivette: As usual.

[10:17] Shariff: What happened??

[10:20] Frank: Matt just left  
[10:20] Frank: drove up here with Max but left by his fucking self  
[10:21] Frank: what a shitshow

[10:23] Shariff: Wow.  
[10:23] Shariff: Wouldn’t have been able to drive off if you’d locked him in the fucking closet. Just saying...  
[10:25] Shariff: How’s Max?

[10:28] Frank: you know Max  
[10:29] Frank: the sun shines out Matt’s ass tabarnak de criss

**Les Amis des M ✌** 😭🙄🤓

[00:21] Frank: anyone see where matt went

[00:22] Rivette: No.

[00:25] Shariff: Frank my dude  
[00:25] Shariff: Why do you even care?

[00:26] Brass: fuckn punchedh im so hard he flew to toronto

[00:26] Shariff: Free flight no refunds

[00:26] Frank: max is asking

[00:38] Brass: hey i found him hes puking into teh toilet 

[00:38] Frank: for fucks sake brass

[00:39] Rivette: Jesus. Jesus Christ fuck. Why does this keep fucking happening.

[00:44] Brass: did you wanna talk to him or  
[00:44] Brass: too late hes gone  
[00:45] Brass: you good out there man??

[00:48] Frank: yeah

[00:50] Brass: this is all so fucked man

[00:51] Frank: yeah.

[00:52] Rivette: Guys, maybe I was wrong.

[00:52] Frank: what are you talking about?

[00:52] Rivette: Like since the beginning. Maybe they shouldn’t be a thing. Together.  
[00:53] Rivette: I can hear Max with you outside, Frank,  
[00:53] Rivette: I should apologize but I just   
[00:54] Rivette: I just want to cry.

[00:55] Frank: ugh shit please do not  
[00:55] Frank: one crying person is fucking enough

[00:56] Brass: fuck  
[00:56] Brass: toronot isnt far enough for that asshole  
[00:56] Brass: should i comehlep

[00:57] Frank: he’s ok. we’re coming back in

[00:58] Shariff: OK I’m gonna toast up some bagels. Black seed for Max. Anyone else

[00:58] Rivette: I’ll take a black seed too. Actually no, make Frank one first.

**Les Amis des M** 😭😭😭😭

[16:21] Rivette: Has anyone heard from Matt?

[16:25] Brass: not since the party  
[16:25] Brass: why…

[16:26] Rivette: Sarah says he didn’t come home last night.  
[16:27] Rivette: Hasn’t been home in two days.  
[16:27] Rivette: Isn’t answering his phone

[16:30] Shariff: What the fuck?

[16:30] Rivette: I asked Madame Ruiz, but she had no idea…

[16:31] Frank: jesus fuck Rivette did you tell her he’s missing??

[16:31] Rivette: No, I lied, obviously! I didn’t want her to worry.

[16:32] Brass: im off at 6 ill go check the park

[16:33] Frank: brass why would he be at the park??

[16:33] Brass: dunno its where we used to hang isnt it? With us  
[16:34] Brass: with max

[16:35] Shariff: Maybe he’s with Max.

[16:38] Frank: nope  
[16:42] Frank: Max says hi though

[16:44] Shariff: oh yeah. That’s right. Marde.  
[16:44] Shariff: All packed?

**Les Amis des M** 😭😭😭😭

_Frank changed the name of the group to "Les Amis des M ❤️❤️❤️❤️"_

__

[13:30] Frank: you will never guess  
[13:30] Frank: NEVER guess  
[13:31] Frank: who just showed up  
[13:32] Frank: looking like he hasnt slept in days  
[13:32] Frank: wearing denim from head to toe  
[13:32] Frank: grinning like the fuckn idiot he is

__

[13:35] Rivette: ?!

__

[13:36] Frank: they’re hugging it out

__

[13:36] Rivette: oh my god

__

[13:37] Frank: franks uber is ready to depart  
[13:37] Frank: Frank’s Third Wheel Taxi Service  
[13:37] Frank: if they start sucking face in the backseat im leaving them on the side of the road

__

[13:37] Rivette: you will do no such thing  
[13:37] Rivette: you will let them have THEIR MOMENT

__

[13:38] Frank: they can have their moment but its 30 minutes to the airport

__

[13:39] Rivette: Frank you MUST report back.  
[13:40] Rivette: Frank!!!

__

[13:55] Shariff: oh shit  
[13:55] Shariff: oh fuckkk   
[13:55] Shariff: is it happening???? FRANK

__

[14:10] Frank: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

__

[14:10] Rivette: oh myshitting Christ

__

[14:12] Rivette: Coliss Frank, what happened?  
[14:12] Rivette: FRANK!

__

[14:18] Shariff: FARNK  
[14:18] Shariff: *FRANK

__

[14:32] Frank: TABARNAKKkkKk you guys  
[14:32] Frank: sorry for wait cops were gonna ticket me for parking in drop-off lane

__

[14:33] Shariff: No sense of romance, honestly, what do we even pay our taxes for

__

[14:33] Rivette: TELL ME IT HAPPENED  
[14:33] Rivette: PLEASE FRANK   
[14:33] Rivette: IT'S BEEN 15 YEARS I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE

__

[14:34] Frank: 😘😘  
[14:34] Frank: well fine I didn’t actually see   
[14:35] Frank: but I HEARD

__

[14:35] Shariff: Bro c’mon   
[14:36] Shariff: Voice memo function bro   
[14:37] Shariff: Ruiz is a _lawyer_ you gotta get _documentation  
_[14:37] Shariff: I bet he’s gonna pretend nothing happened

__

[14:37] Frank: fuck he better not  
[14:38] Frank: well they did go in together

__

[14:38] Rivette: 😭  
[14:38] Rivette: I’m actulally cryinyou guys fcku

__

[14:39] Frank: [big ol’ hug.gif]

__

[14:39] Shariff: OK, my house tomorrow 7:30 to debrief discuss & strategize  
[14:40] Shariff: I can get some good shit at the fancy SAQ for us

__

[15:05] Brass: hahahaha this is amazing  
[15:05] Brass: sry it’s fuckin busy as shit in hree today   
[15:06] Brass: _[reply to “wearing denim from head to toe”]_ its called fashion look it up  
[15:06] Brass: _[reply to big o’l hug.gif]_ we fuckn did it guys we did it MISSION FUCKING ACCOMPLISHED  
[15:06] Brass: _[reply to “fuck he better not”]_ @Frank just sock him again if he does  
[15:07] Brass: _[reply to “I can get some good shit at the fancy SAQ for us]_ is the bong still a no-go @Shariff

__

[15:08] Shariff: Nah my parents are out all weekend to Ottawa, bring all your bongs dude

__

__

__

**Les Amis des M ✌** 🏠🍾🥂

__

[18:39] Brass: this MOTHERFUCKER  
[18:39] Brass: late to his own fuckin goddamn housewarmng cant fing believe  
[18:39] Brass: practically had to lick that fucker pierres feet to get him to switch shifts with me  
[18:39] Brass: cest pas grave CPG CPG just gonna kick his ASS

__

[18:42] Shariff: Hey Frank how’s your right cross these days

__

[18:42] Rivette: Where’s Max?

__

[18:43] Brass: packing his bags i hope

__

[18:43] Rivette: Seriously though, he said he’d be right back.

__

[18:43] Frank: he’s not in the house?

__

[18:44] Rivette: No? I thought he was in the yard with you?

__

[18:44] Frank: no??? out here by myself putting up the lights  
[18:44] Frank: they look great by the way NO THANKS TO ANY OF YOU FUCKERS

__

[18:45] Shariff: Well, he’s not in the kitchen 🤷♂️

__

[18:46] Brass: or this fancy ass bathroom  
[18:46] Brass: wait fuck isnt that ruiz’s car  
[18:46] Brass: the white jeep fuckin wrangler  
[18:47] Brass: IT IS

__

[18:47] Shariff: I think I hear something, one sec  
[18:50] Shariff: Well  
[18:51] Shariff: They’re OK  
[18:51] Shariff: My eyes aren’t OK

__

[18:51] Brass: wtf  
[18:51] Brass: what happened

__

[18:52] Shariff: They’re in the foyer  
[18:52] Shariff: Stay where you are   
[18:53] Shariff: I would recommend that we all just stay where we are  
[18:53] Shariff: I’m looking out for you all. With my ruined eyes

__

__

__

**Les Amis des M 🐄🐓🐑🐖**

__

[06:42] Brass: are you guys bringing boots  
[07:01] Brass: fuck  
[07:13] Brass: matts crazy  
[07:13] Brass: why couldnt he have bought like  
[07:14] Brass: a BAR  
[07:14] Brass: I like bars

__

[09:01] Rivette: You were up early.  
[09:01] Rivette: Nightmare?  
[09:02] Rivette: Or should I say nighthen?

__

[10:30] Frank: Brass, the chickens won’t hurt you

__

[10:32] Brass: my sneakers are red

__

[10:33] Frank: okay???   
[10:33] Frank: and???

__

[10:33] Brass: CHCKENS DONT LIKE RED FRANK  
[10:33] Brass: IT MAKES THEM ANGRY

__

[10:33] Frank: Brass that’s cows. Cows don’t like red

__

[10:34] Brass: oh

__

[10:45] Shariff: Wear boots Brass and make your peace with God. I wore my red sneakers and from the moment I arrived yesterday the chickens have done nothing but chase me and peck me with their razor sharp beaks. I am typing this from the top of a tree. They are vicious. They are merciless. They want my blood

__

[10:46] Frank: 😂😂😂😂😂

__

[10:46] Shariff: The chickens are very nice, Brass. Dotty likes to be carried around.

__

[10:48] Rivette: Dotty?????

__

[10:49] Shariff: Dotty, Virginie, Ella, Clara, Béa, and Xavier. Max named them. He spoils them  
[10:49] Shariff: Their feed is fancy as shit. Comes in a _matte_ sack. 

__

[10:50] Rivette: Matt sack eh. Freudian

__

[10:51] Shariff: Rivette. RIVETTE. Why must you remind me of things I wish to unsee  
[10:51] Shariff: Shitting fuck’s sake. Fifteen years it’s like watching glaciation  
[10:52] Shariff: Then all of a sudden the polar caps are melting like ice cream in the microwave

__

[10:52] Rivette: That’s a lot to unpack, but  
[10:52] Rivette: is it vanilla ice cream? 😉

__

[10:52] Frank: 😬😬  
[10:52] Frank: k Brass I’m heading out  
[10:53] Frank: pick you up in ten

__

__


End file.
